Bangkok: This is Thailand.

     Before I start on this mad rant, you should get used to the saying "This is Thailand". You will hear this and you will understand the emphasis.

There are 2 ways people see Thailand. The "experienced way" and the "tourist way". People who were not born in Thailand or that do not have much in depth knowledge of the culture, environment and politics can not truly understand the Thai experience. These people look at Thailand as it is shown in commercials and advertisements. Fascinating floating markets, beautiful temples and a rich history. The floating markets are lovely. But generally, water here is toxic.

      Have you ever seen in Thai movies where the children are swimming in the canals and/or rivers? That was long, long ago. When it rains here people do not frolic in it, simply because all of the pollution that is produced daily from the hundreds of thousands of cars packing and jamming the streets or people burning piles of trash instead of properly disposing of it has caused the rain and water around Thailand to become toxic. If the rain gets on your skin symptoms may include; rash, infection, fever, nausea, skin degeneration and the list goes on. Also thanks to all the people who choose not to burn their trash but simply throw it in the streets many sois(streets) will become flooded when a rain shower takes places.

Sois(the streets)... Covered with dog crap, excuse my language. There are tons and tons of stray animals in Bangkok and no ones seems to really mind or care. You cannot walk anywhere in Bangkok for more than feet without seeing a fresh deposit still steaming on the place where they could have put a sidewalk but decided a gutter/drainage system would be better. Walking skeletal bones and ferocious beasts marching freely, pissing and shitting as they please.

Driving...there are no rules. There is no speed limit. You are not expected to use any of your car's functions, such as turn signals. You simply drive as you please. On a 2 lane street, there will be six lanes of traffic. It is common practice for motorcyclists to drive the wrong way on a major street. It's the wild west, just dont get stopped by the piggies.

Police... 99.9% corruption rate lol. While this is very alarming, it is always nice to have an option between going to a dirty scum filled tomb also know as Thai jail and going on your way intact. This also opens the door for extortion. Many tourist simply make the mistake of being unaware of the unofficial(official) policy... Police and Govt do what they want and take from who they please. They are waiting for all the stupid tourists to come wondering into their district so the can either make a private gain or arrest and prosecute you and gain rank and stats.

Foreigner's rights....there are none. Not only do you not have any rights but you have no benefits or hopes of assistance from police and/or govt. When a Thai person is wronged they go to the police and the police work hard to help them and find a solution to the problem. When a tourist is wronged it is their word against whoever they are corralling with if they know who wronged them. If that opponent is a Thai person don't expect to be on the winning side of the end result. It may make you feel better to know that even Thai citizens are not actually citizens but rather 'subjects' of the Kingdom.

Foreigner's duty....to pay 5 times more for everything than a Thai person. Temples, museums and things of the sort that are either free or dirt cheap for Thais, foreigners pay triple and quadruple the prices. The is racism in it's purest form, driven by greed and money lust. Anywhere else in the world there would be mass protests and demonstrations about fair treatment and such. Not here. This is THAILAND!

Muay Thai camps.... are regularly packed with unwitting foreigners ready to emulate Tony Jaa and shell out those dollars(or respectively euros). I to once had a dream to come to Thailand and win ever belt possible in WMC. Fight in Lumpini and Rajadamnern. Going to those rough and tough boxing camps with the hungry fighters and really become a legend. In order to get a fight you have to sign up for lessons for more than a month, then if the head of the gym deems you worthy they may scedule you a fight with someone who is either overweight and out of shape, skinny and out of shape or old enough to be someone's grandfather. It does not matter how good you are if you are not a professional or train with a major camp in your homeland you will have to "invest" in a camp just to get a clown fight.

Bargaining....usually foreigners never can quite get the hang of it or even try it. In some cases you can bargain with police to get your "fee" or bribe reduced. He may really like that new iphone or blackberry you are holding onto so dearly. In many cases, a foreigner will buy something for about 4 times what it is really worth. A tourist will tell you "I'm to lazy to bargain. I can afford to spend what they are asking..so be it." When you display this kind of attitude or mentality, you are labeling yourself as a mark or in other words a victim. If other people see the tourist is easy to take advantage of they will waste no time in sweet talking them or soliciting them.

Girls...are entirely lacking in confidence and that is sad. Men come from all over the world just to meet and talk to Thai girls but they are mostly thinking of money and clothes and whiter skin and (you get the idea). A Thai girl(or any girl for that matter) who is not materialistic and manipulative is a rare find. Many Thai girls say they do not like foreigners. Many more Thai girls date foreigners and detest anyone who is not white(Thais, Arabs, Indians, Blacks). Although I think they are beginning to come around.

Visas...a pain in the ass. Millions and Millions or "tourists" flock here ever year. Some never leave. Most have to leave the country and come back in order to maintain or renew visas in order to reside in Thailand longer. This is because the stipulations and requirements to get a long term visas in Thailand are so ridiculous only the rich can afford them. So all these backpackers and regular joes on vacation or trying to make a way here in BKK are pretty much sh*t out of luck. Expect to be flying to places like Laos, Cambodia, Burma and Vietnam. While they all have a charm about them, they are like poorer more dangerous versions of BKK. This is to keep all of the tourist spending their money in immigration and in the airports and on the taxis and various modes of transportation. In short, it is a very profitable scheme they have going.

F*rang....the most disrespectful thing you can call a foreigner beside "Kee Nok" (bird shit), referring to the white color that bird poop and many foreigners share in common. Farang is also the name of a fruit, not the most delicious but better than durian. Farang comes from the word "Farangsed" meaning 'France' or French person. Farang is used to group all light skinned people, regardless of ethnic origin or nationality or whatever else have you. So no matter if you are a neurosurgeon or a drug addict you are just a farang in the eyes of most Thais. The funny thing is light skinned Thai people will call themselves 'white' or 'Caucasian' which they are not and can not be, yet they would never call themselves farang.

lastly...Language....most Thais can only say a few words and cannot converse in English...AT ALL. Don't think you are gonna go to Thailand and every Thai will speak English. They won't, in fact they will ignore you or totally freakout in most cases not even daring to try and attempt to communicate with a 'farang'. Most but not all.

I hope this guide has been helpful or at the very least, non-confusing lol.

Chok Dee.